Sokka's Instincts
by One Glorious Basterd
Summary: The critically acclaimed work of revolutionary and philosopher, Sokka The Great. Includes humorous rants on various topics. Will not disappoint. Please R&R!
1. Preface

**Author's note: **Welcome to an introspective tour as we delve into Sokka's inner psyche, please note this takes place five years after the war has ended. Oh yeah, I don't own Avatar: The Last Airbender. Because you can't own something that abstract. I do own all the season on DVD though. Your instincts should tell you to review because my instincts tell me that I need feedback and feedback makes me happy. And a "well rounded critique is often the most rewarding gift a reader can give. Please use this golden opportunity to offer a well deserved praise and/or tips for improvement." Check out my profile too, I need insight on my poll and stuff. :)

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**Preface:**

People say my instincts are always wrong. But you want to know whats wrong? Optimism. That's wrong. It's a sin. It's an ungodly concept. My sister and her boyfriend are full of optimism. I can guarantee they will perish by tragedy the time they turn sixty-one. They are also very gullible. In our travels, we met an evil spirit named Jet. I remember as he seduced my sister into trusting him and twisting her mind until she became ignorant of his evil intentions. Aang trusted Jet because Katara did. I was the only skeptic, because, instinctively, I did not believe that Jet could do no wrong. Eventually, Jet was revealed as the tyrant he was, and he would have destroyed a town if it wasn't for your truly's instinctive ingenuity. Another well-documented instance of this arrogance is a town itself. The philosophies, culture, and decisions of the peoples of that town are determined solely by an ungodly witch, a fortuneteller. They believed she could tell no wrong. This blind trust of a woman with multicolored hair and a disturbing mole will ultimately lead to their downfall. It almost did, until the BoomerAang squad saved them, thanks to Sokka's instincts. These are just few of the countless past instances where my instincts had "saved the day".

Lately, my instincts have served me well. Other than being arrested twice for "passionate" jaywalking, my instincts have led me to success with Suki, swordplay, and my precious and invaluable inventions. Join me as I chronicle the events in my past and present life where my instincts have come in handy.

**Acclaim:  
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"A dry, sardonic perspective on introspective and retrospective philosophy, where practicality and pessimism is encouraged." - Ba Sing Se Times

"A woeful account of a silly disbeliever. Shun the disbeliever. Shun!" - Aunt Wu

"Will leave you laughing and scathing you head simultaneously. A true winner!" - North Pole Prophet

"A truthful, refreshing take on the day-to-day events on life." - The Jasmine Dragon

"An educated oaf is hard to find indeed, much applause to comedic argument told with ingenuity and realism" - The Fire Nation Post-Intelligencer

**Quote of the day:**

"I am nothing nothing my a man with my instincts and boomerang and lots of other stuff."

- Sokka The Great


	2. Skit 1

**Author's note: **This is a skit. Skits will be short anecdote-like chapters that demonstrate the workings and importance of Sokka's instincts are important. They do not follow the pattern or story of the book. Anyways, please R&R.

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Now for more serious philosophical discussion, I have invited Appa, Momo, and Guru Pathik the wise for a Socratic seminar. Here is a trascrpt of a discussion.

Sokka: So Appa, how bothered are you with Aang's optimism?

Appa: As a matter of fact, Sokka, it doesn't bother me at all. I have grown used to it, and I believe while realism and practicality is proper, a bit of optimism can be good motivation. This was proven by Wan Shi Tong in his publication, _The Way of the Mortal Mind_. I recommend you read it Sokka, it's quite fascinating, and it suggests balance is the answer to all problems. I bet you have a bit of optimism in you left. Like in the Boiling Rock, even though you only pondered the negative consequences, you stayed behind in hopes your father would be on hat gondola.

Sokka: It's quite inrigiuing. How can some be so foolishly optimistic? I must confess, as a teenager, my vocabulary was quite limited. I had never been to a formal school. Still, my instincts and ingenuity got us out of many sticky situations. The Boiling Rock was not one of those times. I was not being practical, but nobody really is regarding family matters in which you are responsible. Sometimes, you have to do what's right.

Guru Pathik: Welcome to 7/11, would you like a Slurpy? Or maybe a Chakra Sandwich? Only $1.99! Impostor! I challenge you to an Agni Kai! (faints)

Momo: I am afraid I am responsible for this. I had administered a medicine. Unbeknownst to me, someone mixed up the bottle, and he consumed some hallucinogen. So he's delusional. My apologies.

Sokka: My instincts tell me that animals cannot speak nor can they administer medication. I am either taking hallucinogenics or daydreaming.

**SOKKA'S INSTINCTS SAVE THE DAY!**


	3. Skit 2

**Author's note:** Thanks for the reviews guys. Keep 'em coming. Dang, I'm so bored I'm writing three chapters in one day. That's what happens if your TV is broken and it's raining outside. :(

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Once I was an aspiring comedian. My jokes were so bad, they were good. It was reverse psychology, but it wasn't. For good or not, peak of my career humor was my end. Let me explain. I had a stint, a fad, called "kuss" words, that replace usual vulgarisms and putdowns with creative ones I invented. Soon, instead of saying "oaf", common folk all around the world were taunting "wakawaka", "lolzuko", fukatara", "friggintoph", "hotsuki", "palamalu" and "focker". Yes, they subliminally mentioned the BoomerAang squad and they soon squirmed their way in replaced the regular language. I remember waling down a road when there was some domestic violence at a nearby noble's house. I was flabbergasted when I heard my words.

"Clam the hotsuki down, you friggintoph!"  
"Oh, so now I'm the friggintoph? You know what the palamalu you are? You're just a a sad little wakawaka!"  
"Fukatara! I can't believe I'm wasting my time with this lolzuko focker!"

So there words had because word of everyday use of nobles? That was an achievement in itself. But the next morning, I was visted by three men. One was dressed in garbs of green, another in red, another in blue. I knew they were ambassadors of each on they nations, but I wondered, how are they here at the same time? Was it a coincidence? I attempted to calculate the probability but then I remember I did not know the identity of the Earth King, so I was not able to come to an answer. My wife say it's shameful that I forget the simplest of things, but then again she was menstural (unreadable handwriting). Oh, my did I write that? Fukatara, I can't erase ink! Oh friggintoph, now all of the ink got smothered there! Just forget I ever wrote that.

Anyways, Fyrelord (it's so cool with a Y) Zuko, Earth King What's-his-face (I think the ambassador mentioned it, but I don't really care), and Chief Wakawaka (I knew I heard it somewhere) all wanted me to refrain form speaking this language or publishing any future works mentioning them, so that was the end of that. Also, people were banned from saying them. Then my son, Mako, was born and that was pretty much the end of my career. Soon, it became a mystery where the terms originated and it was gone completely, just like that Teodorant thing Teo came up with.


	4. Rant 1

**Author's note**: This is a rant, and rants are just as the name implies. Thanks guys for all the reviews. Shoutout to XtearsofsliverX (not letting me put the dots in), flamingbunnies, Charley Reede, MKBunny, and tikarose.

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The world we have lived in for my generation is corrupted in ungodly individuals and beliefs. The amount of this scum is quite unfathomable. Most would consider my allegation a bit extereme, but I will list a **few** of the numerous practitioners of ungodly arts I have seen or met in the past to prove this.

**1. Fortunetellers**

When I was an adolescent, this aforementioned fortuneteller nearly managed to destroy her city with her magical mumbo-jumbo, until the BommerAang squad discovered an active volcano which the foolish fortuneteller (who shall remain unnamed unless I said the name already) predicted would remain DORMANT! She has ruined many lives, such as a man who refuses to bathe, and planted the seeds of superstition into everyone else's minds. Only science can cleanse the muck in their head.

**2. Traveling Nomads**

My face still has the marks to prove the sheer ignorance and idiocy of this species of monkey. No, that would insult Momo, who can at least carry an intelligent conversation. Buffoon more like it. Not only are they stupid friggin' hippies, but they play crappy music as well. Most are sappy love ballads or self-motivational ballads. Perhaps this worst feature is that this foolishness often rubs of on simpletons (like Aang and Katara) easily. It's contagious to those who are not immune.

**3. Selfish Giant Owls**

This is the exact opposite of the Nomad. This guy's problem is he refuses to share his wealth of knowledge, plus he's impractical. We had to stop the Fire nation, but NOOOOOOOOOO. He's also indirectly the reason Yue is dead if you thing about it.

**4. Poetry Teachers**

First of all, they're strict and they sue the corniest metaphors. And she called me "oaf", and she refused to accept my rematch invitation to top it off.

**5. The Melon Lord**

Ah, I fondly remember the day. The Melon Lord was the gravest beast I had ever slayed.***** He chucked and hurled his burning meteors at me, but I managed to evade them and sliced the evil fruit through the head with my machete.

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**6158. Fire Nation Man**

The comical and rather lame embodiment of betrayal and hopelessness. He totally got PWNED by the Boulder then PWNED again by Toph.

*****with the help of the BomerAang squad excluding Aang, who chickened out. Hey, I think that name's getting old.

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So what new name should we refer to for the BommerAang squad? The Gaang, Fearsome Foursome, or Sokka's Angels? REVIEW!


	5. Rant 2

I found writing this section was a bit disturbing. Anyways, Sokka's Angels won. Don't bother to watch the movie adaption of ATLA, it's an embarrassment. I should reinforce this takes place five years after the war, play attention to what tenses I use for clarification.

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Now I will discuss my former partners in crime, or Sokka's Angels, as I like to call him. Our group used to consist of several members, each with a distinct and distinguished personality and specialty.

_**THE ORIGINAL MEMBERS**_

**Aang: **Aang was a twelve-year (biologically 112) old Avatar. Initially, when we met him, he was a master airbender and could use all other elements in the avatar state. Eventually, he mastered all other elements and learned how to trigger the avatar (shining blue eyes) state at will in our journey and whooped the Lozerlord, as it was his destiny. He's goofy, fun-loving, and a bit feminine, but he is also kind, thoughtful, and wise. Some distinguishing features are he's bald and has light blue arrow tatoos around his body, signifying that he's a master airbender. He also carries around a glider-staff-snack bar contraption. Notable characteristics about Aang is he enjoys being around animals like Appa and Momo, is a VEGETARIAN (noble and inhuman). Now Aang's seventeen and more mature, but all he has on his mind is fun. Honestly, his voice is still cracking when he was, like fifteen. Some people say MY voice used to crack at this demographic, but I seriously doubt their outlandish claims. They're just envious of my manly voice.

**Sokka**: Just like the avatar is the personification of the world, Sokka is the personification of greatness. Not only was he, and still is, a masculine chick magnet, but he also defeated the baddies without making things hover. He uses his swordsmanship, bommerAangship, and ingeniousness. He is quick to point out flaws in others, and has a dry, sarcastic, unparalleled sense of humor. Some distinguishing features are his beautiful warrior's wolftail, sexy stride, and boomerAang. He is attracted to women and meat. He is often referred to the "the epic meat, sarcasm, wolftail, and boomerAang guy" by humble commoners and onlookers. I witness the great battle and played an important role. Only my motivation could have triggered the Avatar state. When Aang saw the airship fleet perish, he knew we had victory, and became the extra determination vital in defeating the Lozerlord. So, Sokka saved the world.

**Katara: **My moody motherly sister. I guess she's a decent waterbender. Usually, she's be gubblible and optimistic and nice, but she can be a total meanie. I mean, what most girls twelve to fourteen were going through, but it was still unacceptable behavior. She also hates giving second chances to traitors like Jet and Zuko, even though he was never on our side until the Western Air Temple. She's really territorial and protective her loved too. She's like a a mother too sine my mother died in a fire nation raid. But, she's also a poser, she makes a futile attempt to match my wolfishness with her hair loopies. It should have went out of style five years ago. She's Aang's girlfriend, which is weird because she's two years older than him, but it apparently worked out.

**Appa/Momo: **Appa is a flying bison and our main means of transportation. I believe he's a snot and licker (get it, liqour hahahahaha) monster in disguise, but I have no evidence to support my hypothesis. We found him with Aang in the iceberg, so he's over one hundred biologically. Momo is a flying lemur who strikes fear in the hearts of our adversaries and wreaks havoc in general and causes distractions. He's not really effective or useful, but he's quite a delectable dish.

_**PEOPLE WHO JOINED**_

**Toph: **Toph maybe seem like a blind, innocent little girl but things are not what they seem here. In reality, she's a tomboyish, devious, bullheaded, and extremely powerful earthbender. She's brusque, rude, and has some downright nasty habits. I think it's because she wants to enjoy her freedom. She has overprotective control freaks as parents, so I really can't blame her. Oh yeah, even though she's blind, she is able to see by feel vibrations through the ground. She is also the first metalbender. She can bend metal! We first met her at Earth Rumble VI, where she PWNED the Boulder in the finals. She went by the alias Blind Bandit. When she scammed people from a Fire Nation Town, she went by the moniker "The Runaway". You know, I think those are multitudes more appealing and catchy than "the epic meat, sarcasm, wolftail, and boomerAang guy"

**Zuko: **Zuko is the hotheaded, awkward, angsty rebel that's perfect to restore honor to the Fire Nation. He was unsure of his loylaties until he joined the Avatar and taught him firebending. He's a pretty god firebender from what I've seen. He can throw those fireballs, but Katara likes to eat Aang's fireballs. ZUko has somewhat of a history with us before he joined Sokka' Angels. See he chased the original crew of Sokka's Angels to regain his honor because he was like a banished prince or something, then he and his sister beat Aang and Katara in this crystal cave, which caused Aang to grown hair on his head, but none on his pits. So, we didn't like him, but we grew to accept and love him as he taught Aang firebending. He helped me rescue my dad and Suki from this formerly inescapable Fire Nation prison. I'll give him the credit there; I never would have gotten there if it weren't for him. But we all pitched in, including Zuko's fittingly dark and sullen girlfiend, and we got out of there. Now he's the Firelord, so I guess I can't say anything demeaning about him. Oh yeah, he has a burn scar on his left eye, inflicted by his father. As he puts it, the scar marks his skin but it does not mark his identity.

**Hawky: **Greatest thing Fire Nation ever produced.

**Suki:** Save the best for last. What beats a hot ninja for your wife? Suki as your wife! She can appreciate my skills! AND she's just a nice person who's not too nice. I'm not going to included too much information about her, because I may be a bit overprotective.


End file.
